An Eternal Perspective

Today, I happened to see my husband's boss - it was a quick, few seconds as we crossed paths in a place we usually never see each other. But God used those few moments to really challenge me... the journey Braveheart is on in the workplace, (and thus our family) has been rewarding, but is more often long, hard and frustrating. Together my husband, the creative genius and this man, the business titan, battle against financial difficulties,  personnel limitations, and entwined in all of that is their battle against Evil thwarting them (without wanting to get too super spiritual!).

But this man, let's call him Mr. P, keeps his head high. In the 10 years Braveheart has worked alongside him carrying this vision, Mr. P has maintained an 'eternal perspective' which has often made me curious. And today, God showed me the inner workings of that very idea. Our goal that we are working for - godly animated stories, live-action movies with substance and character - these very things might not be achieved in our lifetime. And neither may a lot of what we strive for.

The thing is - our lives truly are too short to carry our whole vision - and I'm not sure they are supposed to. God showed me today, that visions are supposed to span generations, they are supposed to be built on, generation after generation - that's the way his kingdom works. God blesses generation after generation that serve him, and he adds to our vision for each generation.

God drew it into perspective with my parenting and what I long for. I cannot hope to parent perfectly in my lifetime...BUT what I can do, by following God's leads, is to pass on something more for my kids to follow and live by...so that in generations to come, my family can arise and be called blessed.

food for thought huh?

Your To-Be List

I read this just tonight...and needed to. During these, oh-so-short holidays with all three children home with me, what is really important? May it speak to you too....

BE PRESENT: TEN YEARS FROM NOW, WHAT WILL HAVE MATTERED TO OUR CHILDREN?

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 26, 2011 AT 3:35PM

Ten years from now, it won't have mattered whether or not the sink was perfectly scrubbed.

Ten years from now it will have mattered that I stopped scrubbing the sink to listen to a problem they were having in school. 

Ten years from now, it won't have mattered that the plates were chipped or that the cups were not a matched set.

Ten years from now, it will have mattered that we sat down at the table together, said a blessing, and shared stories about what happened that day.

Ten years from now, it won't have mattered that their books were scattered everywhere.

Ten years from now, it will have mattered that they loved to read and did so in every corner of the house.

Ten years from now, it won't have mattered if they ran off to school with wrinkled shirts or grass stains on their pants.

Ten years from now, it will have mattered that they were always told, "I love you. Have a great day!" as they dashed out the door - wrinkles, grass stains, and all.

Ten years from now, it won't have mattered that their beds were made haphazardly; that there were lumps under the covers and pillows left on the floor.

Ten years from now, it will have mattered that I leaned over their rumpled beds, kissed them goodnight and assured them that even as they slept, they were loved.

Ten years from now . . .

Ten years from now it won't have mattered that the couch was threadbare.

Ten years from now, it will have mattered that we sat on that couch and laughed until we cried – and that on that very same couch, I held them when they cried genuine tears of sadness.

Ten years from now, it won't have mattered if there were muddy footprints tracked through the house.

Ten years from now, it will have mattered that they ran with abandon, filled their lungs with fresh air, and connected with the wonder of nature.

Ten years from now, it won’t have mattered if I won every argument.

Ten years from now, it will have mattered that I lived my values.

Ten years from now, it won't have mattered that they didn't get everything they wanted.

Ten years from now, it will have mattered that their deepest needs were met.

Ten years from now, it won't have mattered that I wasn't a perfect parent.

Ten years from now, it will have mattered – and mattered deeply – that I was a present parent.

So today and every day, may I live in the moment with my children, with my eyes to their future. 

And let me offer my children the gift of what will have mattered in ten years.

- by Lauren Rosenfeld, M.A., M.Ed., Author of Your To Be List

Meaning of Motherhood

(In spite of me still deciding, I just had to write....)

Picture three small wet and cold bodies. And one wet and cold mum. One wet and cold mom trying to dress said cold bodies. Four people rather chilly after swimming in a pool for 40 minutes. And one wet and cold mom that knows she cannot get warm herself as she must, after dressing said cold and wet bodies, get back into the pool for her exercise (as the feet, well, you know the story).

And you have a very disgruntled mum.

A mum who suddenly realized - Hang on a minute, I'm not enjoying this.

And then He spoke...these things to my heart.

He asked me if I'd be willing to lay down a little more of my life (note, my life...the life I think belongs to me. Whose life is it anyway?). And inwardly, I groaned. What Lord? More? Really?

And as I listened, I heard. I understood (scratch that, I'm understanding!).

Motherhood? It's about self sacrificing. It's about laying down one's life over and over again. Time and Time again we're called to let go... and I think it's just one of those seasons again as activities are on the increase and my afternoons are no longer 'mine' to call my own.

It's about dying to self.

It's about serving. Didn't like it much when He showed me I'm really not much of a server at heart. Na-ah. Not my cup of tea...but I sure like to be served. Sobering really.

And it's about choosing to see the beauty in the here and now, in the snapshot of what you see. Why do I want more time? For what? (See my earlier post). And, again He solidifies what I read a few days ago...

I fill the sink with the circle of bowl, and batter floats up in suds. I wash. I see my reflection in the stainless of the tap. I know you, those seeking eyes. You're the one in dire need of time, that thing we can't buy, what we sell of ourselves to get more of what we think we want, what we sacrifice to seemingly gain. They say time is money, but that's not true. Time is life. And if I want the fullest life, I need to find fullest time. I wipe a water spot off the tap; there's a reflection of me. Oh yes, I know you, the busyness of your life leaving little room for the source of your life. I'm the face grieving.

God gives us time. And who has time for God?

Which makes no sense.

In Christ, don't we have everlasting existence? Don't Christians have all the time in eternity, life everlasting? If Christians run out of time - wouldn't we have lost our very existence? If anyone should have time, isn't it the Christ-followers?....

...a question once asked of a pastor haunts through the rows of headstones and I hear it sure again. What was the pastor's most profound regret in life?....Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing...Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away....

In our rushing, bulls in china shops, we break our own lives.

Haste makes waste.... and I hear this too, words of another woman seeking: "On every level of life, from housework to heights of prayer, in all judgement and efforts to get things done, hurry and impatience are sure the marks of an amateur".

In a world addicted to speed, I blur the moments into one unholy smear. I have done it. I do it still. Hands of the clock whip hard. So I push hard and I bark hard and I fall hard and when their wide eyes brim sadness and their chins tremble weak, I am weary and I am the thin clear skin, reflecting their fatigue, about to burst, my eyes glistening with their same sheer pain.

The hurry makes us hurt.

And maybe it's the hurt that drives us on?...

Hurry always empties a soul....

I speak to God: I don't really want more time; I just want enough time. Time to breath deep and time to see real and time to laugh long and time to give You glory, and rest deep and sing joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven or wild to get it all done - yesterday.... in the beep and blink of the twenty first century with its "live in the moment" buzz phrase that none of the whirl-weary seem to know how to do, who actually knows how to take time and live with soul and body and God all in sync?

362. Suds...all the color of the sun. 

That's my answer to time. Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one. And this, this is the only way to slow time: When I fully enter time's swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here. I can slow the torrent by being all here. I only live full when I live fully in the moment. And when I'm always looking for the next glimpse of glory, I slow and enter. And time slows....This is where God is. In the present. I AM - his very name.

                                             (Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts)

 And these precious lives -  mine to mold and shape and change and imprint on for ever? Do I see them as a heritage or a possession? Can I come to a place where I take the time to see them as the object, the purpose of my day...instead of the endless list of tasks and activities that are not, and cannot be, in a relationship with me?

My goals, my day, sometimes overshadow the little people in my day. Knowing I have to squeeze an extra two swimming lessons in my week for Aragorn who has an aversion to proper swimming lessons means I have to create time ... and honestly? Knowing this at 0800 each day fills me with something akin to stress: when am I going to pack their lunch, how to fit in school before picking up Belle, Belle missing her nap, fitting in things after this etc. You get the picture. But still. BUT STILL. Those are not good enough excuses.

This motherhood thing? It's daily lessons in servanthood.

O God.




go on over and check this out - for busy moms....

Raw Relief

A short, sharp season of being visited by family is over.

And I breath a sigh of relief....

And yet I am left feeling raw.

How is it possible that flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood can leave me feeling so undone?

How is it possible that the woman who gave birth to me can seem to dislike me so much

...and that conversely I can have so little grace for her?

This relationship - this mother daughter bond - is supposed to be something so much more.

Something sacred.

Somthing intimate.

Something safe.

What is it about this world, that some have this remarkable relationship intact?

And that for some, all too often, this relationship is the one that has fractured?

God, give me your grace for Belle. Do something NEW in me.

The Fruit of my Labour

Today has been an uplifting and oddly sobering day...

I have spent the afternoon dwelling on how deeply thankful I am that I am disciplining my children the way I am.

I know I don't always do it the right way, and I may not always say the right thing....but when you see the fruit in your children's lives: the life, the hope, the affirmation they get from knowing that you are disciplining them out of love...then it is well worth it. I am so thankful that healthy, involved, hands on parenting was modeled to me and that I started shaping and molding them early...because again, the benefits are just so worth it. All the days of consistency, the perseverance in repeating the same thing over and over, the patience, the tears....IT ALL PAYS OFF...eventually. And today, I saw a glimmer of that. A bright shining shimmering ray of hope.

And that glimmer makes me want to help other women who seem to be in the darkness, who admit to me with tears and gut wrenching sobs that they don't know how to do this. As mothers, we all need tools. We need to share with one another and carry one another. How is it that in mothering, we can too often be locked into our own silent cells?

And this evening...an old pupil of mine from my teaching days in Zimbabwe came to have dinner with us. Again, fruit of my labour - two years of inspiring this student whilst teaching her about geography has led her to be doing the most amazing work with the WWF (and no, not the wrestling acronym!) now. She has au paired in America, and pays me compliments on my children (what every mother loves to hear). But as I chat with her my heart is heavy...to hear how much I played a role in her life and yet how distanced and hurt she is from  her parents. My heart is heavy with prayers of hope, and of healing.

And again I am struck. This mantle of parenting is no easy task. But it is, beyond a shadow of doubt, the most important one...

The Answer is Blowing in the Wind....

I love that song. It's so eerie and sweet and innocent.

In a recent marriage course we have been hosting, God brought me to a standstill.

It came about as the women in the group couldn't understand how the men in the group wouldn't read any books on marriage, or parenting, or personalities etc. And for the women, this seemed the most natural response to 'problems' :- find out from someone who has walked the road before, learn from their mistakes, learn what works and then do it ourselves.

This flummoxed the men. Their response went something along the lines of :- Why learn from someone else? They're not me, they're not like me, they don't know my circumstances. And their overriding response was "I can do this (with God) alone".

Fascinating. All the women I know read endless books on parenting, on marriage, on relationships - self-help books or teaching books, however you want to label them. Men? Largely just not interested. Willing to go it on their own and to learn, in my eyes, the hard way. Fascinating! (The more I learn about how different God created us the more so many things make sense!)

The part that turned me into a statue though, was when one of the men asked me how many books on parenting I'd read. My answer? Many. Then he asked me what kind of parent I was. Naturally I said a perfect one (ahem this was said with much jest!)...

Then WHAM! It struck me. I have been searching for answers for years. I borrow/buy endless parenting books looking for solutions, looking for answers, but friends, although I may find them I quickly forget them. I have been unable to see that THE ANSWER is right in front of me, in Christ. If I seek him, and him alone, I am convinced I shall find what I am looking for. After all, sin't he the one that gave me these 3 particular children to bring up?

A friend sent me this later, and again, just fascinating....

Men don’t change easily.  Men don’t like to change; and because men are actually programmed not to change, but to solidify their opinions and their identities, it often leads to men killing others in one form or another.  In fact, men are rewarded, admired, and elected for not changing! Unfortunately, this feels like most of human history.  Stalin said, “One death is a tragedy.  But when 150,000 people die, it’s a ‘statistic.’”  Too often, we men are able to live in this detached world of statistics instead of inside of our own sacred humanity.  No wonder Jesus’ first preached word was “change” !

In the wars of the 20th century, most countries involved claimed to be Christian—filled with people who claimed to base their lives on Jesus and his teachings.  This is what happens when religion does not really change people, but is just the group to which you happen to belong.

http://cacradicalgrace.org/

Food for thought huh?

Tomorrow's the Day!

This is the conversation I overheard as I walked down the passage tonight as the boys were settling in their beds.

King Arthur: I'm so excited. Tomorrow is my special day!
Aragorn: Why? Is it because of homeschooling?
KA: Yes. I can't wait. I'm so excited I'm going to do homeschooling as soon as I wake up.
A: Oh. (clearly a bit puzzled by his brother's enthusiasm)
KA: EC (a friend of his) has already started school, and I've had to wait. But tomorrow's the day! I don't think I can sleep...

And then the conversation degenerated! But I cannot tell you what a gift overhearing that conversation was to me, just to know how much enthusiasm is in my little boy's heart. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have made the right choice for him.

The beginning of this journey has been interesting for me. Last week I was convinced that my children would all start school tomorrow, the 19th of January. But on Monday, I made some calls and realised that Belle only starts on Thursday, and Aragorn next week Monday (24th)! And this after I'd been counting down the days with King Arthur in "sleeps to go".  I knew I could not deny him another few days, it would break him. His natural curiosity is full blown and he is more than ready to actually LEARN something. Madly i had to re-shuffle my expectations of the week, and the way in which I had envisaged starting teaching him.

But true to form, whilst spinning this evening God spoke: I really believe this is the best way forward now, because I see that this staggered start is great - each of them gets a special day to start their journeys this year - and we will pray and bless them on their INDIVIDUAL respective mornings. And Elijah gets to start this journey with his siblings around so that he doesn't notice the huge shift to having no class mates. Each way I look at it, I see His hand and this is perfect.

And I'm choosing to see me not being as prepared as I wanted to as part of his Hand in this as well - I need to relax!!!

A Magnificent Morning

I went for a 80km ride this morning, alongside PPA's Cape Cobra race, and it was so good to be on the road again, but tough! It was a beautiful morning, no breeze to begin with, crystal clear air, stunning scenery, some baboons and a dead porcupine (who would have thought you could see such 'wildlife' on a Cape Town ride!).

I've just finished reading a guide to the Tour de France and one of the authors commented that before you can see or hear the peloton, you can often smell them. I tested that theory today - and it's true. They smell, these men who race past me averaging 35 - 40km/hr!! It was refreshing every now and again to catch a whiff of deodorant!

I know some of you have entered the Argus for the first time this year, and some of you further afield are riding races mid year, so want a female cycling tip? Put a few drops of Arnica massage oil in the seat of your riding shorts and you will not suffer. Trust me - today I forgot, and 80km is a loooong way!

As I was cycling today, I rode past Ocean View and Masiphumele (a colored and black township respectively). And as I strained up a hill, there were four colored kids sitting on a rock, watching the action. And my heart sank. There were no adults in sight, and these kids were young - probably all about Aragorn and Belle's age (4 and 2). God used this brief  moment to challenge me for the rest of my ride....

 We are so very privileged in ways we aren't even aware of. I know a couple of ladies from Ocean View and the one repetitive comment they make to me is how differently white and colored people parent. It's all about life skills isn't it? The majority of these families are trapped in cycles of violence and abuse. Parenting is about what is modeled to us, what we see from our parents and what we pick up along the way.  No one I know would let their young kids sit on the side of a major road at 0700 in the morning, unsupervised. But for these kids? It's a way of life. And it struck me that all of this also tracks back to the destruction of community - we should be able to learn each other's strengths - but because of Africa''s history, and more specifically South Africa's, it's all been lost.

And God spoke to me about what I write about working mothers - what choice do many of these township women have? I mean really? Some mothers have to work because their money is squandered before it even reaches the grocery cupboards. Others may work to escape oppressive home situations.

I do believe parenting is on God's heart. I do believe the world is intent on brow beating women into believing motherhood has no worth. I believe it is a forgotten calling in today's world, tossed to the side in exchange for luxuries...but there is also a sad reality in poor communities. I'm not sure my stance has necessarily changed for us privileged folk, but I also felt God nudging my heart - who am I to judge? There is an accountability to God - not me.

But, I will continue to encourage and exhort mothers - because it really is beyond this world, it is the most important, this job we are doing.

Food for thought huh?

Diet Deviations

I am still profoundly impacted by what happens to us when we become parents - the choices we make; how much we change; how much we are willing to change in order to create the best possible environments for our children. Each day, endless choices present themselves to us.

For some of us, we make the choice to drive in traffic two hours each day to take our children to what we believe to be the best possible schools; for some, it's the choice to sacrificing a part of ourselves to teach our children at home; for some, it's the choice to change our diet drastically to give our children the best possible odds in coping with life. And I'm amazed at the unselfishness of it all. As parents, we give up independence, we give up selfishness, without us really even realizing it.

To those of you making these sacrifices, however big or small, know that I salute you.

I applaud you.

My Comfortable Cocoon

I've just got out of a relaxing bath into which I collapsed after a seemingly endless day. I woke up at 0430 this morning, (might I add by choice? go figure!), to attend a 0515 spinning class with an instructor I really enjoy. However, the cost today is making me seriously question my sanity in choosing to do something like that! And he didn't even play good music - so picture me with head thumping music as the sun was coming up - not my cup of tea! I have struggled to stay awake throughout the day, wanting to choose self over motherhood often. The boys were very understanding when I attempted to grab some rest midday, but Belle is still a little young to understand that mom's closed door means "leave me alone", not "yell even louder"! So, methinks I shall relook at my training schedule and make something else work!

But whilst in the bath, I was reflecting on what God appears to be drawing my attention to, yet again. I feel like he is peeling off layers and layers of misconceptions about deeply entrenched ideas that aren't full of Light. And I realize that this is something he loves to do - to set us free. I realize because of His nature there is always a hope, a redemption available for me in the end that promises to be far more beautiful than where I am presently at, but by george (whoever he may be!) it is uncomfortable. So even though I am not enjoying this, I look forward to the end....

Our Chosen Choices

I've written and rewritten this post a number of times, altering things after I've written it as God has reminded me so bear with me, there might be more changes in days to come!

Over the last little while, I have spent a lot of time thinking about two things:

1. the choices we make in our lives
2. our lives are a direct result of our choices.

Which when you get down to it, is quite sobering. I know that sometimes circumstances sweep in and challenge us and alter our paths. But even in that, there is  a choice to be made - a choice as to how we will respond to those circumstances - we will either find a way to master those circumstances, or they will master us.

And our choices?

The one that has been bemusing me over the last few weeks is the parenting one.

“The formative period for building character for eternity is in the nursery. The mother is queen of that realm and sways a scepter more potent than that of kings or priests.” ~Author Unknown

Again, I really can't do better justice to this topic than this post, so please go over and read it and then return...(and know that I know some of you are single moms, divorced moms, moms who have no choice but to be working....this is not directed at you. But if you are choosing to work: do some maths - is it by necessity or desire? is it to maintain a lifestyle or put bread on the table?  just examine it for a moment will you?)

The part I want to highlight is this parenting thing, the character forming part of it: it is a constant, never ending call, even when we don't feel like it. It is our job, our duty to teach our children  - and for those of us who believe in God, I think it stretches further to expecting to see the Holy Spirit lead them. No, I don't believe we can or should be controlling our children, but I do believe they need to be led, to be taught, to be trained, to be shown. Today I caught sight of this title of a book that made me smile  - it was "Loving the Early Years, Motherhood in the trenches" - and i just loved the by-line! Mothering in these early years is really hard (and it may remain just as hard as kids grow I don't know, watch this space as I grow!). 

It's about constantly reminding our children time and time again not to call each other names. It's about exhorting them to use words that honor one another, or words that are meaningful instead of using silliness and toilet humor (something my boys find exasperatingly funny - so I'm in the throes here!). To cop out of this because you're tired of hearing your own voice, or because your kids never listen to you points to something even deeper. It is right to bring up our children in a way that teaches them to listen, teaches them to obey, teaches them to heed what is said - if not now, then what when adolescence hits?

 I am becoming convinced that this is indeed one of the most important aspects of motherhood. 

These choices we are making: choosing to speak or to be silent. Choosing to work or to stay at home. Choosing to take career A or B, choosing to trust God or trust ourselves -  whatever they may be - 

Are we sure that they count? 

That they are the right ones?

Yearnings for the Year

So...the new year has begun, and is well on its way. And today is the first time in weeks that I am stopping. Just grinding to a halt. We've been so busy the last few weeks, out every day, doing little things - whether it be people, outings or errands. And with Braveheart going back to work, it's an opportunity just to STOP. And BE. And so we are.

As I write this the kids are eating sweets - yes, it's true. At this point I am keen to get the Christmas sweets over and done with! I love the peace and the calm that is emanating from my home today (somewhat intermittently I might add, there are still the odd squabbles, but I mean overall!). I love having my kids around me, and having time to be and speak into their lives without having to 'do' anything. I have to make a conscious effort not to create things for them to do today - it does not come naturally to me...

2011. Another year. Another start.

Me? These are some of my yearnings for the year: (Some semantics - I dislike "resolutions"...that implies something I have to work at to change..."yearnings", well that implies a desire, a longing, something God and I can do together - in his time, with his prompting....)

I long to sort out my food dilemma. I'll digress to bring you up to speed. I have come to loathe food - not when it is served to me, or made by someone else, but when I have to prepare it - cook it, make it..anything with food that requires my involvement leaves me sighing deeply. If I'm really honest, I think it comes down to pure laziness (oh the effort) and selfishness (I love being served, but not necessarily serving). And here's the rub - an a mother, and a wife, those really are two qualities that are not synonymous with those callings. If I want to have a home that is warm and  happy something has to give!

So to this end I have made a few adjustments again. I have created a breakfast, lunch and diner plan. This has streamlined  my shopping, and helps me mentally get a handle on what is required.  And as I do the shopping and the meal planning I am the only one really responsible for what my family eats - and I long to incorporate more of what I believe constitutes healthy eating, and to eat the way I want to - which largely falls by the wayside as to cook two meals etc just isn't cutting it for me. I also loathe budgeting and making money stretch....something I need to master. Any tips anyone? :)

But here's the thing. We've talked about it as a family, and I'm impressed with my kids - they're on board. I've cut out sugar cereals (thanks for the idea Nikki)  except for one day a week, and they have to eat some things they don't like. And when I sit down with a bowl of fruit, or some salad, they inevitably want what I am eating. Kids will follow our example, pure and simple - so the question is, what kinds of example are we setting them?      

I yearn for family time. Now we spend a lot of time as a family, but I still yearn for more. It's a priority for me.  More memories. A deeper sense of family, and what it means to be parents and be speaking into our lives. And to this end, again, it falls on me - it's my bent. I have blocked out the year, looked at all the public holidays and have an idea of when we'd like to try and get away again as a family. Now I need to find affordable options. I even feel that my time cycling is drawing to a close - as the Argus draws closer, it's going to require 3-4 solid rides of training a week, each 3-5 hours, and that's just such a huge chunk of time over the next two months. Time I'm not really that willing to hand over any more. I'm curious as to what will replace it though...interesting huh?

I long to see my children thrive in their new seasons this year. King Arthur will be at home with me, Aragorn for the first time will start a school on his own, not under King Arthur's shadow, and I really sense he will become his own person. And Belle also starts a little school. Now whilst I want them all home with me, I also know that this is right for each of them. Aragorn caves in to King Arthur too often. I sense God will use this to build him into his own confident self. And Belle will be able to be whoever she really is! And King Arthur will soak up this one on one time. This is also a new season for me - homeschooling. The teacher in me has unpacked all the stuff, put it on the shelves, filed it...and I have the same butterflies in my stomach I had when I taught for the first time! I'm determined to embrace this in a relaxed way - watch this space!

And being a wife. This kind of dove tails into the others. I want to focus more than anything on being the wife I've always wanted to be. A wife that sometimes makes her husband's favorite meal for dinner instead of always making the kids favorite ones, or feeding him the quickest easiest meal (like scrambled eggs!). I want to pack his lunch with as much effort as I do the kids - thinking about the nature of his day and whether it involves touch rugby, or gym etc. I want to think of creative ways to spend time with him, with and without the kids, not always putting the kids first.....all these things, that seemed so natural pre-kids, so natural when we were dating...are so foreign to me now.

I have some steep learning curves ahead of me!

 

Christmas Catch Up

So...this is my post-Christmas post.

And Christmas was....pause...search for the right words....pause...unexpected. But I have learnt some lessons and look forward to remembering them next year!

Christmas Eve was a non starter. Not only had I not planned anything special, but the boys were shattered from their week of not being well, as well as the excitement of presents to come to the extent that they were in bed by 6pm! I felt grim the whole day - thankfully just nauseous, no actual follow through, and so it was also an early night for me.

Christmas morn was lovely. Especially waking (at 0515 the first time, which we pushed to 0615!) to little whispers about bumps in stockings and all the wonder and delight that that entailed...

Braveheart is, by no stretch of the imagination,
a morning person!

Eating sweets before breakfast -
a child's idea of bliss!

Then after giving them time to enjoy their stockings (an aside here - we have never explained anything about Father Christmas, whether he's real or not: the culture has done it for us. I'm amazed by what my kids understand about sleighs and reindeer and all of that, without any of it passing my lips. Food for thought about what else our kids pick up on that our culture has taught them huh?), we progressed to the lounge where we gave them the presents we had bought for them....their joy and delight is priceless. I love having Christmas with my kids!

(not sure why the picture quality is so bad - apologies)

I tried to dress Belle in this lovely dress my cousin sent over from the UK a while ago, because Belle loves dresses and loves pink, but for some reason this dress freaked her out! She sobbed and sobbed - we even took this photo to show her she looked like a princess - but took the dress off within a few minutes! I think it was the fabric that freaked her out!

Sadly Braveheart started feeling very ill mid morning, and he spent the day getting paler and paler.

Family arrived around lunch time for a festive meal....

The boys laid this - was so proud of them
 for helping and following instructions!

For Braveheart, the Christmas ham is the best part of Christmas and marks the season for him - and he only managed one piece and that was really pushing it! Poor man!

Sadly this part of the day was the unexpected part...epic politics in an extended family that made lunch awkward and positively horrible - bleugh! However dear friends popped in at the end of the day and that was grand - I was so thankful that friends can lift your spirits in spite of hovering black clouds.

Since then Braveheart has pretty much been on his bed, poor guy, just zapped of energy and appetite, so here's hoping with the dawn of tomorrow all will be well!

The lessons I've learnt?

I've learnt that traditions don't just happen. They take some forward thinking and planning. I've recently come across so many posts about a Jesse tree, and am so keen to make that a part of our Christmas next year. I think it's a beautiful way to remember the reason for Christmas.

And I want to create a special way of celebrating Christmas Eve, whether it's a meal or doing the nativity story or something like that. We've often had people over on Christmas Eve that have no friends or other family around, but this year I guess we just let time slip by.

 I want to teach my kids to be thankful no matter what they receive, and to encourage them to experience the joy of giving.

And I guess it all comes down to us as wives being the fragrance of our home. Yes, a marriage lends a distinctive stamp to the nature of our families. But we, as mothers and wives, hold such a special calling and responsibility to flavour our homes with grace and love, so that our children and our husbands love being able to call it home. And that means finding out what God is asking of us as wives and mothers in our homes.

That my friends, is a snapshot of the things He is laying on my heart.

How was your Christmas?

Threatening Thunderstorms

OK. We are going camping today - on the foothills of the Cedarberg Mountains, on a lovely organic mango farm, right next to a river. Sounds idyllic huh? Only here's the thing:

1. The weather forecast for that area suggests that there is a 60% chance of thunderstorms occurring today. On one hand, it's been so long since I experienced a real thunderstorm (as opposed to Cape Town's insipid rainfall) I'm excited. Thunder. Lightning. Heavy rain. Might even get to smell the rain! On the other hand, can you imagine trying to put up a tent in the rain? Should make for some amusing pictures! Look at these...am filled with a tangible feeling of nervous dread!

Can you just imagine this - no dry ground/clothes/bedding....

Not quite the camping trip I had in mind

    2.   We had a shocking night's sleep - Belle was complaining of ear ache and a sore throat, so                  Braveheart and I were like yo-yo's all night.

    3.    In the wee hours of this morning (you know the ones where your slumber is at it's deepest ESPECIALLY after preceeding intermittent sleep) King Arthur woke with bad croup. It's been ages since he had his last attack. Now here's the thing. I am a 100% believer in Pre-flam for this condition, but I don't have any at the moment. This is going to require a very sweet phone call to my gp quite far from me (who only sees babies and children and whom I respect and love) to get a script faxed to a pharmacy near me. If I can't raise her on this South African public holiday, I shall have to resort to the medical practice nearest me who, last time I visited them, told me I was being a shocking mother (truly, I kid you not. Hence my vow that I shall never return - can anyone recommend an adult doctor to me?).

   4.    I haven't packed a thing!

Ho-hum. Best I go and make some tea and get cracking! Have a great long weekend!

A Missed Opportunity

Yesterday was tough - you know the ones. Days where words fly out of your mouth before you can catch them and before long you are regretting the things you have said but just can't seem to hold your mouth closed to stop more from coming out.

Yesterday was a big deal in King Arthur's life - his nursery school graduation day. His nursery school holds this little ceremony to bless the children as they leave nursery school and go on to 'big school' (in my case, supposedly!). It's a lovely touch - they perform songs they've been practicing for weeks, introduce themselves, say what they'd like to be when they grow up (King Arthur, who won't hurt an ant, said he wanted to be a hunter!!!), and their teacher speaks an individual blessing over each of them in turn. So very precious. But all the practices and rehearsals for this event have taken its toll on the kids, and their teacher reminded them they all needed to have a rest today.

So, I arrived home with a somewhat weary yet excited King Arthur, who when we stopped outside the gate, told me he didn't want to open the garage (he does the garage, Aragorn does the gate). And I lost it completely. I heard him say he wasn't going to open it, and I took it personally (for the record he did later defend himself by saying he just didn't feel like it).

I went off on a tangent, about how many times I have to do things I don't really want to do, and how little I actually ask of them....and the more I said the more I fueled the fire and the angrier I became. I think as adults we forget how narrow our children's worlds are - they can't possible multi-task as much as we do. I told them to make their own lunch and sort themselves out, and didn't do a thing to help. I lambasted him, and the other two by default. Oh my. Looking back I think the root of the matter was that this is one of the very few things that I do ask them to do on a regular daily basis. One thing and they complain!!!!!!

Slowly, as the afternoon wore on I realized what a foul mood I was in, and God showed me that instead of choosing to react to this situation, I had missed an opportunity to ACT, to TRAIN my child. It is my job as a parent to train them, to cultivate helpful attitudes - these things do not always come naturally. God also showed me that by continuing to fuel this fire I was actually robbing King Arthur of the love and affirmation he needed on this his special day, and that should I continue like this, he would not be assured of my love when he had to stand up and speak in front of everyone at graduation.

I held my lips closed. I said less. By the time bath time came around I had explained again why I was so cross, and my tone was no longer angry and condemning. God reminded me how much I had hated opening the gate, and how often I would pretend to be asleep when we got home late with my parents so my brother would have to open the gate. Dinner time came, and I roped in King Arthur to help lay the table for the special meal we had made for him. And in the car, more repair work was done. Until finally, in the dark of his bedroom, I confess and ask for forgiveness.

I have learnt a lesson today. May I remember it well in the heat of the moments that will surely come....

Mellow Tuesday

Today King Arthur is at home - we arrived at school, and he burst into tears telling me he hadn't slept that well (for the record he slept VERY well!). My heart went out to him - it's not only us adults that find the pace of the end of a year exhausting, but they feel it too. So I gave him the option to come home with me, and we are having a wonderful day - relaxed, chilling and at peace. He's asked to do craft....

This was his idea can you believe it?
Knew exactly what he wanted to do and make...
I'm impressed - and they even fly quite well!

And of course Belle had to make one too!

King Arthur now wants me to bake a cake with him for Aragorn, who went to school....sweet man!

I am fully aware I need to prioritize some blogging time - we had a fantastic Thanksgiving with all our American friends - the house just absorbed 30 people - I am SO THANKFUL for this home!

And I am approaching this weekend with something akin to pure dread - I have entered a 98km race on Sunday...

1. I have never done this race before and do not like riding an unknown route
2. It is in Stellenbosch, and my start time is 0648, which means I am likely to have to wake up at 0430 to get there on time ( I am a morning person, but that my friends is pushing it)
3. In training the most I have raced is 80km...(those extra 18km make all the difference)
4. Which took me 5 hours with breaks - and now my cutoff time is 6 hours (i.e. no breaks...golly)
5. My bike appears to be having problems with gear changes on ascents - which means on steep hills I have to stop, turn my bike over, re thread the change and continue racing....unknown hills people, unknown hills.
6. And I am supposed to be doing this to better my seeding for the Argus, and my concern is that this race might DROP me a few groups :( boo hoo!

So ... wish me courage, and strong legs that won't cramp...and that we can find overnight babysitters and a place to stay that side of the world so my wake up time ( this is of course if I sleep) is somewhat more normal!

What was I thinking????!

Purposeful Parenting

Today I had a conversation with a good friend of mine that kind of stopped me in my tracks - you know the ones. Where you're just left thinking wow, that's an interesting concept.

She was speaking about her children (13, 10 and 7), and how one of her parenting philosophies is that busy kids are kids that don't have time to get into mischief. She keeps her kids busy with sports, ballet and horse-riding - every afternoon and it usually spills over into weekends. She had just been paid a compliment by her sister-in-law (a first!) as she too has a 13 year old, who is into *everything* already. My friends 13 year old is horse mad, not boy crazy at all.

Now whilst the pace of her life leaves me gasping and wondering if there is any downtime, I started wondering if there is merit to her philosophy. For sure, bored kids in a classroom means unruly behavior, so is it the same in parenting? Just got me thinking  - is the key to well-balanced kids helping them to find a passion that they can throw themselves at that which keeps them from looking in places where there is only the illusion of fulfillemt? Food for thought huh?

And then I stumbled upon this post over at Generation Cedar, by Kelly Crawford:

I heard the parents of an 8-year-old girl defending the question of “the appropriateness” of a top pop song.  The mother answered, “Well, I mean, unless you shelter your children from all music and T.V. you can’t keep them from singing to and dancing to (said inappropriate song).”

The implication?  Parents are helpless to exercise their wisdom and authority over the things they deem inappropriate or harmful for their children.  This is a frightening implication for any parent, but especially disturbing as a Christian parent commanded to guide and direct his children “in the way he should go”.

Why would a parent feel he can’t (or shouldn’t?) protect his 8-year-old from lyrics he deems harmful (music is a powerful influence according to studies)? 

You can read further here...I'm having a revelation about how deliberate our job is as mothers. How noble it is. We...with our husbands, are called to equip our children to cope, to live WELL in this life. We are responsible for their life skills. Folks, it's up to us. Best we do it hand in hand with God because I don't know about you, but my goodness this is a much bigger job than I bargained for!

ps I loved Kelly's post on large families here!

Merriment and Mumps no 3!

Seriously. You'd think if my kids were going to get mumps they could have got it all at the same time - but no, this lovely disease has chosen to blindside me three weeks in a row! Seriously? I kid you not, I am not amused.

Belle before the mumps,
with her R6 crown (pocket money!).
 A true princess!

Dressed to kill!
But look at her face -
she points at it all day and
says Owee!

Going for a ride

Little Belle has a swollen left side - and this weekend is a BIG weekend for this family. Aragorn's birthday and party are tomorrow, and King Arthur's birthday is on Sunday. That means I have to quarantine my poor fever ridden, swollen daughter for tomorrow morning....so that Aragorn can have the day he has been counting down to for seemingly forever (I'm not lying - he made a sally worm when there were 62 days to go or something like that!). She's going to miss out on a party she would love...and she's clever enough to know what is going to happen. Poor thing. I cannot though, postpone this party in light of Aragorn's anticipation - nor would it be fair to guests to have her here. Sigh.

Needless to say, I am taking some strain today. I have just finished planning a treasure hunt and wrapping a few extra layers on the 'pass the parcel' parcel, and once I hit the publish button it is to bed! Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow with fresh grace and endless energy!

Managing the Meal -Time Monsters

a friend sent this to me
sums up me to a tee!

Oh yes, the time has come! I am harnessing in these monsters (aka my children) and these monstrous moments (aka meal times) and this is how I am taming them.

After much deliberation and discussion (mostly with Braveheart, and a few child directed very leading questions) I have created a list of meals the kids will eat, no fuss ahem read ''very little fuss'' there!

1. Macaroni cheese
2. spaghetti bolognaise
3. sausages/chipolatas
4. grilled or grumbed chicken
5. scrambled egg on toast
6. crumbed fish
7. 2 minute noodles
8. pizza
9. braai

Yip. So there you have it. I then sat down, totaled what I had already in my freezer and started planning a menu. Now I don't know about you, but I very seldom feeling like cooking at the end of the day In fact, if I can I prefer to make dinner at some point in the morning, or at least prepare for it - then my afternoons can be stress free and kid centered. I loathe deciding on a recipe or an idea and then finding I don't have half the ingredients. So that, coupled with the fact that I actually just find it way cheaper to plan meals for a week, and make a trip to the shops once instead of going to the shops every day to buy something means I have planned the next two weeks of meals and this week it looks like this (pretty much every meal is accompanied by raw veggies or most often salad, that's one thing my kids do eat well):

Monday : macaroni cheese

Tuesday : 16 fish fingers (half a packet of 32) (Braveheart and I will have crumbed fish. Fish fingers? Bleugh!) A quick meal as its park day, not that I've got there recently but still, the intention is there!

Wednesday : friends coming for dinner then will babysit kids whilst we watch my nephew's play, so hamburgers all round.

Thursday : chipolatas and egg (B and I will have a chicken/mushroom pasta)

Friday: Sausages (left over from previous night) and salad (B and I will have left over pasta)

Saturday: spaghetti bolognaise

Sunday: vegetarian toad in the hole

I'll keep you posted on the progress. In all fairness, they've been really good at watching their reactions to food at the dinner table - long may it last!

Pit - stop

I am writing this from the gym, where they very kindly offer to have my kids while I work out (quite frankly the only way I manage to) (and it's an awesome kids place - I must say, they get my 100% approval which I don't give out easily!). However, today, I am here blogging, catching a few deep breaths as I am on a mission to tire my kids out.

You see, tonight we're celebrating Braveheart's birthday by going go-karting. (A really cool outing if you're looking for something different to do as a group of adults). My neighbour has kindly offered to come over to babysit, except that the last time she did, we had to come home once to settle Belle, and then Aragorn woke up sobbing for over an hour and we came home to a worn out babysitter! So my grand plan today, has been to pick them up from school and keep them as busy as I can till I feed, bath and bed them at about 6. Then I hope that they will just sleep till tomorrow morning!

The only catch is keeping up with them. Seriously. Don't laugh. See, I am a routine driven person, and even though my kids are practically 6, 4, and 2, they're in a great routine of having "quiet time" after school. Quiet Time = doing anything they like in their room as long as I can't see them or hear them (they frequently make up excuses to come and show me things/tell tales, so it works as a rule). Belle still actually naps for a good hour and half. I find Aragorn definitely needs it - the time out after a busy, social structured morning at school. King Arthur could probably do without it, but he's great company for Aragorn. So on days like today, where that time is robbed, I have to make an extra effort to keep up with them and keep them going even though they are getting crankier by the hour. It's extra love, extra patience - and I can't say I get that right all the time :(

So fingers crossed! Still hours to go!