An Eternal Perspective

Today, I happened to see my husband's boss - it was a quick, few seconds as we crossed paths in a place we usually never see each other. But God used those few moments to really challenge me... the journey Braveheart is on in the workplace, (and thus our family) has been rewarding, but is more often long, hard and frustrating. Together my husband, the creative genius and this man, the business titan, battle against financial difficulties,  personnel limitations, and entwined in all of that is their battle against Evil thwarting them (without wanting to get too super spiritual!).

But this man, let's call him Mr. P, keeps his head high. In the 10 years Braveheart has worked alongside him carrying this vision, Mr. P has maintained an 'eternal perspective' which has often made me curious. And today, God showed me the inner workings of that very idea. Our goal that we are working for - godly animated stories, live-action movies with substance and character - these very things might not be achieved in our lifetime. And neither may a lot of what we strive for.

The thing is - our lives truly are too short to carry our whole vision - and I'm not sure they are supposed to. God showed me today, that visions are supposed to span generations, they are supposed to be built on, generation after generation - that's the way his kingdom works. God blesses generation after generation that serve him, and he adds to our vision for each generation.

God drew it into perspective with my parenting and what I long for. I cannot hope to parent perfectly in my lifetime...BUT what I can do, by following God's leads, is to pass on something more for my kids to follow and live by...so that in generations to come, my family can arise and be called blessed.

food for thought huh?

The Pressure's Off!

Our first rainy day of winter. And I'm enjoying it. It's the first day I have sent my kids to school with shoes in a VERY long time, and Belle was not amused that she had socks on. I love that last winter was so long ago in her mind that she has forgotten completely what socks are and how they feel!

I had a revelation whilst driving the school route this morning. It was prompted by a conversation I had with a new friend last week. For the last 10 years, she and her husband and now family of 4 kids have not celebrated Easter or Christmas. For them, learning about the reasons behind all the present day traditions and celebrations led to feeling convicted not to partake in any of it, as when you really get down to it, it's mostly all pagan festivals we've kind of adopted as being the norm. So for them, they celebrate three festivals - Passover, Pentecost and the Feast of Tabernacles. Easter, and Christmas Day don't feature at all on their calendar. 

That conversation prompted something I recalled from 'God Grew Tired of Us' (heart wrenching title huh?) this profound documentary (a must see) on the orphaned boys from Sudan and

their travels, and the journey some of them made to America. The one man

(once boy) was interviewed at Christmas time in America, and his face 

painted a picture of a thousand words. He was utterly confused. 

He kept asking what this Christmas thing was, and why it was celebrated

like this, and what was with the Santa and the trees? The director than cut to a 

shot of how they celebrate it in the refugee camps - and the JOY, the pure 

joy was almost tangible.. No trappings. Nothing false - just real fellowship for a 

real reason.

And my revelation was this: if we CHOOSE see these times of year for what 

they really are - consumer driven festivals that happen to occur at set times each

year, then we can choose to celebrate the truth whenever we want throughout

the year. Why am I trying so hard to make these seasons so significant? Why not just live the truth all year round? I cannot tell you what a feeling of relief that brought me. I'm not going to spend hours researching how to make Easter meaningful, or print coloring in pages of tombstones rolling away or anything like that. I'm 

going to wait...and when I feel led, we'll talk about the birth of Christ, or his death in our normal daily lives.

I'm not sure we're about to embark on anything quite as radical as not celebrating it altogether, as there are things within these seasons that I love, but it's certainly given me much to dwell on.

Food for thought huh?

Book on my Bedside Table

Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts" (she's the author of the blog entitled 'A Holy Experience'), is the book on my bedside table at the moment that is arresting me, chapter by chapter. Here's an excerpt from Chapter Two that I can just so relate to. May it pierce you as it did me.....

For years of mornings, I have woken wanting to die. Life itself twists into nightmares. For years, I have pulled the covers up over my head, dreading to begin another day I'd be bound to just wreck. Years, I lie listening to the taunt of names ringing off my interior walls, ones form the past that never drifted far and away: Loser. Mess. Failure. They are the signs nailed overhead, nailed through me, naming me. The stars blinking are blinking out.
    Funny, this. Yesterday morning, and the morning before, all these mornings, I wake to the discontent of life in my own skin. I wake to self-hatred. To the wrestle to get it all done, the relentless anxiety that I am failing. Always the failing. I yell at children, fester with bitterness, forget doctor appointments, lose library books, live selfishly, skip prayer, complain, go to bed too late, neglect cleaning the toilets. I live tired. Afraid. Anxious. Weary. Years, I feel it in the veins, the pulsing of ruptured hopes. Would I ever be enough, find enough, do enough? But this morning, I wake wildly wanting to live. Physically feeling it in the veins trembling, the hard part of the lungs, the seing it in the steady starts, how much I really want to live. How I don't want to die. Is that the message of the nightmares and dreams? To live fully alive ...or in empty nothingness?
It's the in between that drives us mad. (emphasis mine)
It's the life in between, the days of walking lifeless, the years calloused and simply going through the hollow motions, the self-protecting by self-distracting, the body never waking, that's lost capacity to fully feel - this si the life in between that makes is the wild walking dead.
The sun climbs the horizon, I throw back the covers, take another breath, and begin. I get to live. I get to live....

Which road through this brief land? What is all most important? How to live the fullest life here that delivers into the full life ever after?...

.How does one live ready, and always? Yes, ultimately Jesus. Yes, this premature dying to self, birthing into the cross-life, the grace cocoon, before emerging into the life unending. Without this Jesus, no, no one can be ready. ... 

But, someone, please give me - who is born again but still so much in need of being born anew - give me the details of how to live in the waiting cocoon before the forever begins? ...

In my reality-dream (dream-reality?), I gasp for more time, frantic for more time. But I have to wonder:more time for more what? The answer  to that determines the road these so-short days take. ....

 Food for thought huh?

Amazing Grace

A friend shared this blog with me (thanks M!), and I am loving the challenge. Particularly as it fits in with my lessons about grace, and my longing to parent in a grace filled way. This post really spoke to me, and here are some excerpts - to see more, go over to Practical Theology for Women

“When you give back what is earned or deserved, it is not charis—it is not grace. It is not favor or benefit, and it is not credited toward you as anything other than exactly what you are expected to do. Instead, grace does what is unexpected, undeserved, and out of line with reasonable responses. Grace is an unreasonable response—unreasonably good, but unreasonable nonetheless. When we give grace, this undeserved favor that does good to enemies and lends expecting nothing in return, then we give evidence of our relationship with our Father in heaven, because this is his calling card. He is kind to the ungrateful and evil. He is full of grace.”

I think, “Really?! I'm supposed to treat my children as I want them to be not as they actually are acting right now? I get that I'm not supposed to give an unreasonably bad response. But what about a reasonably bad response? Shouldn't they get what they deserve for acting out? But God says instead I'm supposed to give an unreasonably GOOD response. What does that even look like? And why doesn't that make my children's sin increase?!” 
Here is my suspicion--if I really treat my children with grace instead of punishment, they will sin more. It's not natural for me to envision a scenario in which a grace filled response to them in their sin and failure actually helps them overcome their sin. First, I have a mistaken perception of what grace looks like. Grace doesn't mean simply being polite or diplomatic. And most of all, grace doesn't suggest we ignore sin. In fact, grace is meaningless apart from a stark understanding of the sin in question. Grace engages over the sin. But not with punishment. Grace is what moves us from returning evil for evil with punitive measures (a hit for a hit) to returning evil with good by discipling their hearts and training them in new ways to respond to their own issues. 
Second, I am suspicious of grace because I have a shortsighted view of the future. I think if my children don't immediately change their behavior the moment I engage them over their sin issue, I have failed. If I don't reactively punish them, I think they'll abuse my grace. And maybe tomorrow, they will. But God's view for them extends well past tomorrow. It is of eternity. Every adult Christian friend of mine who gives positive testimony of a parent universally tells me of how their parents ENDURED with them through their hard seasons and how that perseverance drew them to repentance. 
The techniques we teach for child rearing are as good an indicator of our understanding of gospel grace as anything. It is interesting how reformed Christian teachers and parents who really should know better still embrace the very techniques that God called ineffective at transformation—law, punishment, and penance—and disdain or mock (as did the author in question) the methods our Father in heaven embraces in His plan for His children—a wooing with grace and kindness that draws us to repentance. We do this because we really don't believe Biblical grace works. We have for the most part graduated from a performance based Christian parenting model to a heart based Christian parenting model. Almost everyone in my Christian circles (which are varied) over the last decade or so has gotten that external conformity apart from internal heart change is of no value. But we still often attempt to change the HEART by external pressure. Through guilt, manipulation, or shame. “Look at ALL God has done for you! Why don't you love Him? Why aren't you obeying Him? He's so wonderful and you're just a worm. Your heart is wicked.” We're trying to get to our kids' heart, but we're using the same old tactics legalists use to change externals. Guilt. Shame. Manipulation. 
If you feel threatened by what you view of as grace based libertarianism (which actually is a meaningless term), it's likely because you don't really believe that grace works and that it's what is required by you. If that's the case, go reread Luke 6 and ask yourself if it's relevant to your children. But even if you are convicted that you do need to parent with grace (as I am), it doesn't mean you do it consistently in the moment. 
Perhaps you simply failed in the moment. You very much wanted to patiently disciple your children in the direction that God is taking them, but instead you got angry at where they were in the moment. I'm there on a regular basis. I am learning that the gospel equips me to deal with this without shame or condemnation. I face it and correct it.  And I have hope that this response won't always characterize me. 
Maybe you did it right, and it still fell apart. Or there wasn't any perceptable change at all. You're not sure if your reactions were right or wrong, and you see no noticeable good results one way or the other. What is the point of responding patiently in grace if it doesn't fix the problem immediately? God's long term view for His children equips you to deal with this without bitterness or the loss of hope. The gospel gifts you with perseverance and confidence in the eternal results. 

Food for thought huh?

A challenging conversation...

Last week I faced my first 'disapproving' conversation as a homeschooling mother (of one), from a family member.

I did not respond well, at all, sad to say. Indeed I did not respond at all, I reacted.

And as a result I have been stewing for a few days, and am learning some really hard lessons.

This homeschooling journey is different, and goes against what is considered normal for many people, but especially the older generation. I think my friends and colleagues, and those people that live in the same town as me can understand it more, because it is all around us here - it is a viable and somewhat common, if not popular educational choice for our children.

But for an older generation...I need to have grace. And I have been challenged: In disagreements, others are entitled to their opinion, which does not need to affect me. That takes some maturity!

Secondly, the challenge is to guard the relationship from fracturing during this period of seeing things differently. I've been reading a book on Bono from U2 recently, and with all his Aid work he comments that you don't always have to see eye to eye to get along. Truth.

Isn't this always the hard part? Responding with love, not reacting with anger, hurt or even spite....

Grace and Love.

Food for thought huh?

Fear...

Over the last few days I have been so conscious of being crippled and paralyzed by fear....

Fear does that to all of us.

It inhibits us from being ALL that we were called to be.

It strips us of our true identity...

And leaves us quaking in the wings of life.

I know this, because I'm living it.

And so I asked God - what is it about this Fear? From where does it stem?

And for me, the fear that leaves me breathless, strangled for air and all panicky, comes from comparing my self to others. All my fear comes from looking at who others are, what they do, how they live...and then feeling that I don't have it all/do it all etc.

There's a reason God originally gave a command imploring us not to covet...not to look at what our neigbour has and want tit too, (and I take the liberty for that to mean more than just material things).

And this fear prevents me from hearing the truth my friends are speaking, and in part I recognize them bringing me words straight from the throne. Truth that offers me life and hope. Friends, if there's one thing we do as parents, let it be that we train our children even now, to be able to hear and listen to the truth, and put away this fear. Learning it at 30+ is just hard work!

And the other things I fear? The completely irrational daydreams I have that involve things like "What if's" etc...that unfounded fear is a result of letting my thoughts wander around unchecked.

So the answer? I'm not entirely sure. But I am greatly encouraged by this:

⁷For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. (2Ti 1:17, Amplified)

Food for thought huh?

Pools, Parenting and Pointers

This afternoon has been one of those times when you remember parenting sure isn't for cowards!  I have also been reassured that real parenting, the parenting that lasts, takes time, consistency and sticking to your guns.

As my feet are still healing, today at gyn was just pure swimming for me with the kids. Swimming lessons are paying off and they are like fish, embracing the water and the freedom it brings. Aragorn took off his arm bands and swum all on his own - to tell you I was proud would be an understatement.

Sadly, I had climbed out the pool to phone Braveheart who works fairly close by (bags and towels are right there), to see if he could come and watch Aragorn's miracle, when on turning around, I saw him pushing his sister under...and keeping her there.

I charged in, rescued and settled Belle, and then started the parenting bit, in full view of endless other parents. He had done this once before, so this time I was not messing about. I calmly gave him the price of his actions, the consequnece: I banned him from swimming for the rest of the afternoon. For him (and understandably) his little heart was broken. And that's when it started to spiral out of control - his geuine sobs turned into a full blown angry tantrum where listening to mom was not an option.

So me? What did I do? I whipped out some tools I'd learnt a while back. I acknowledged his feelings, and how frustrating it must be to have to stop swimming; I reminded him of the reason he had to stop swimming...and then I gave him a choice. he could continue to cry (in the change room) or stay in the swimming room quietly. Sadly he did not choose, and so I chose one of the optins for him.In our family, failing to listen, or showing disrespect is dealt with quite severely.  (I've seen too many boys grow up to be teenagers who don't respect their mothers, and I  strongly believe that we are preparing for adolescence now....right now, we are cultivating the attitudes that will stay them for the course of their lives.) Any how, after a good 20 minutes or so, the waters were calm.

A lady came up to me at this point, and spoke such life to me - she complimented me on sticking to my guns, and being consistent, and making sure the lesson had been learnt (it's not like anyone could miss the screaming kicking drama in the corner of the pool!). She said she had never seen such thorough parenting (she's now a granny), and was so encouraged to see parenting can builds character and where children learn consequneces. I could have kissed her, I needed that after being in the war  - she may very well have been an angel!

And to top off the afternoon, just a little later, I took Belle to the toilet, and I left King Arthur with strict instrucitons to stay on the step. Sadly on my return I found him playing in the pool as well - and so he also had to face a concesquence for not listening to me. We spoke a lot about our relationship, and trusting one another, and what happens when that is broken.

And that got me thinking about the conversation we're going to have at dinner tonight - about instructions and our responses to them, about choices and consequences. This is what our children need to be taught - that every action, every thought, in deed EVERYTHING we do has a consequence - if we listen or not, if we learn or not, if we apply ourselves or not, if we are kind, or not...think on anything - it's the pure truth. How are we training our children to learn to make wise choices, and to face their consequences?

Food for thought huh?

The Answer is Blowing in the Wind....

I love that song. It's so eerie and sweet and innocent.

In a recent marriage course we have been hosting, God brought me to a standstill.

It came about as the women in the group couldn't understand how the men in the group wouldn't read any books on marriage, or parenting, or personalities etc. And for the women, this seemed the most natural response to 'problems' :- find out from someone who has walked the road before, learn from their mistakes, learn what works and then do it ourselves.

This flummoxed the men. Their response went something along the lines of :- Why learn from someone else? They're not me, they're not like me, they don't know my circumstances. And their overriding response was "I can do this (with God) alone".

Fascinating. All the women I know read endless books on parenting, on marriage, on relationships - self-help books or teaching books, however you want to label them. Men? Largely just not interested. Willing to go it on their own and to learn, in my eyes, the hard way. Fascinating! (The more I learn about how different God created us the more so many things make sense!)

The part that turned me into a statue though, was when one of the men asked me how many books on parenting I'd read. My answer? Many. Then he asked me what kind of parent I was. Naturally I said a perfect one (ahem this was said with much jest!)...

Then WHAM! It struck me. I have been searching for answers for years. I borrow/buy endless parenting books looking for solutions, looking for answers, but friends, although I may find them I quickly forget them. I have been unable to see that THE ANSWER is right in front of me, in Christ. If I seek him, and him alone, I am convinced I shall find what I am looking for. After all, sin't he the one that gave me these 3 particular children to bring up?

A friend sent me this later, and again, just fascinating....

Men don’t change easily.  Men don’t like to change; and because men are actually programmed not to change, but to solidify their opinions and their identities, it often leads to men killing others in one form or another.  In fact, men are rewarded, admired, and elected for not changing! Unfortunately, this feels like most of human history.  Stalin said, “One death is a tragedy.  But when 150,000 people die, it’s a ‘statistic.’”  Too often, we men are able to live in this detached world of statistics instead of inside of our own sacred humanity.  No wonder Jesus’ first preached word was “change” !

In the wars of the 20th century, most countries involved claimed to be Christian—filled with people who claimed to base their lives on Jesus and his teachings.  This is what happens when religion does not really change people, but is just the group to which you happen to belong.

http://cacradicalgrace.org/

Food for thought huh?

Perspective

A friend sent me this lovely story this week and although it's a little cliche, God used it to re-illustrated something he'd been showing me:

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

'That laundry is not very clean,' she said. 'She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.'

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: 'Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this.'

Her husband said, 'I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.'

And so it is with life.

It's so true.

 "What we see when watching others depends on the window through which we look."

God has been reminding me that so much of the way I speak or act is framed by my own experience, my own way of filtering the world. Friends, the way you and I think, the way we feel, the way in which we hear things or interpret things is based on so many things, that the only real answer is to give one another grace...

It's true of marriage too. The way your spouse hears what you say may have nothing to do with what you actually said - but if his filter is one of condemnation, then that is what he will hear. If hers is one of low self esteem, everything will seem like a criticism. It may explain why someone you know always shies away from you. It may explain sudden outbursts of anger with an in-law.

It's true even of sex. I love the illustration given in Sheet Music (I reviewed it a while ago). Dr. Kevin Leman says the marriage bed is the most crowded one of all. Because it's not just you and your spouse, but your parents and your spouse's parents - and those 6 individuals all see sex differently, all see marriage differently, and all have their own set of spoken and unspoken rules.

So how then do we live?

Surely only in Christ - with his eyes for one another, with the Spirit being our lens.

Surely?

A Magnificent Morning

I went for a 80km ride this morning, alongside PPA's Cape Cobra race, and it was so good to be on the road again, but tough! It was a beautiful morning, no breeze to begin with, crystal clear air, stunning scenery, some baboons and a dead porcupine (who would have thought you could see such 'wildlife' on a Cape Town ride!).

I've just finished reading a guide to the Tour de France and one of the authors commented that before you can see or hear the peloton, you can often smell them. I tested that theory today - and it's true. They smell, these men who race past me averaging 35 - 40km/hr!! It was refreshing every now and again to catch a whiff of deodorant!

I know some of you have entered the Argus for the first time this year, and some of you further afield are riding races mid year, so want a female cycling tip? Put a few drops of Arnica massage oil in the seat of your riding shorts and you will not suffer. Trust me - today I forgot, and 80km is a loooong way!

As I was cycling today, I rode past Ocean View and Masiphumele (a colored and black township respectively). And as I strained up a hill, there were four colored kids sitting on a rock, watching the action. And my heart sank. There were no adults in sight, and these kids were young - probably all about Aragorn and Belle's age (4 and 2). God used this brief  moment to challenge me for the rest of my ride....

 We are so very privileged in ways we aren't even aware of. I know a couple of ladies from Ocean View and the one repetitive comment they make to me is how differently white and colored people parent. It's all about life skills isn't it? The majority of these families are trapped in cycles of violence and abuse. Parenting is about what is modeled to us, what we see from our parents and what we pick up along the way.  No one I know would let their young kids sit on the side of a major road at 0700 in the morning, unsupervised. But for these kids? It's a way of life. And it struck me that all of this also tracks back to the destruction of community - we should be able to learn each other's strengths - but because of Africa''s history, and more specifically South Africa's, it's all been lost.

And God spoke to me about what I write about working mothers - what choice do many of these township women have? I mean really? Some mothers have to work because their money is squandered before it even reaches the grocery cupboards. Others may work to escape oppressive home situations.

I do believe parenting is on God's heart. I do believe the world is intent on brow beating women into believing motherhood has no worth. I believe it is a forgotten calling in today's world, tossed to the side in exchange for luxuries...but there is also a sad reality in poor communities. I'm not sure my stance has necessarily changed for us privileged folk, but I also felt God nudging my heart - who am I to judge? There is an accountability to God - not me.

But, I will continue to encourage and exhort mothers - because it really is beyond this world, it is the most important, this job we are doing.

Food for thought huh?

Christmas Like a Child

Braveheart and I happen to be Third Day fans, and this song spoke volumes to me during Christmas of 2006. Christmas can be such a tricky time trying to balance our expectations, and those others have of us, as well of all the 'adult' responsibilities we pick up along the way. I love being reminded that there is an innocence, a beauty, a simplicity to this season that has been robbed from us....but if we will stop a while, and look again, with fresh eyes, this season can be significant again.

And for the record...my children are making this season so special - their enthusiasm is contagious!

Merry Christmas y'all!

I want to feel Christmas, how it used to be With all of its wonder falling on me This season has felt so empty, oh for quite a while I want to feel Christmas like a child I want to see snowflakes fall to the ground My brothers and sisters all gathered around Singing "Away In A Manager" as we sit by the fire I want to feel Christmas like a child It's been so long now, I can't say Just when I lost my way But I'm going back to how it was When this day meant everything And we spent our time remembering The baby Child born for us It's all about Jesus, asleep in the straw This infant, this King, this Savior for all So I don't need bells to be ringing 'Cause I'll join with angels singing Gloria And I can feel Christmas like a child I want to feel Christmas like a child..

If I had a green nose...

Got to love those moments when you're reading a kids story, and suddenly God speaks to you loud and clear. I'm not a Max Lucado fan, but his allegories for kids are just awesome....

Lucia and Punchinello looked out the windows of Eli's workshop. Like other Wemmicks, they were wooden people. But unlike other Wemmicks, they weren't standing in line in the village below.

"Look at them all!"exclaimed Punchinello.

"I don't understand it," Lucia wondered. "Why would anyone want to paint his nose green?"

"Because everyone else is, " Eli responded without looking up form his workbench.

Punchinello didn't understand. "What do you mean?"

"Everyone wants to look like everyone else. Sometimes it's square hats. Sometimes it's tall shoes. Why, last year the big thing was yellow ears. Now it's green noses. Everyone wants a green nose."

"Does a green nose make them smarter?"Punchinello asked

"No."

"Does a green nose make them stronger?

"No."

"Does it make them faster?

"No."

"Then what does a green nose make them?"

Eli looked up and smiled. "Greener."

But his smile left as he looked out of the window at the long line of Wemmicks. "They think they'll be happier if they look like everyone else. But I made them different on purpose. Freckles, long noses, bright eyes, dark eyes...these were my ideas. Now they all want to look the same."

and then these two Wemmicks go down to the village to get a closer look, and this is one of the conversations they have whilst observing the goings on...

"It's the latest thing," barked a Wemmick on the sidewalk. "Don't be the only Wemmick with a plain nose."

"Who is that?" asked Punchinello.

Lucia shrugged. "I don't know."

"Why, that's Mr. Willy Withit," volunteered a Wemmick from behind them.

"Does he run the nose-painting store?" asked Punchinello.

"More than that," the Wemmick explained. "Painted noses were his idea. So were the square hats and the tall shoes and the yellow ears. New things are his thing. He decides what is 'withit'. Isn't he the best?"

Lucia and Punchinello took a good look at this tall Wemmick with the deep voice, big smile, tall hat, and green bow tie that matched his oh-so-great green nose. Both were thinking the same question. Lucia asked it, "Who made him the new-thing picker?"

The Wemmick looked puzzled, like he'd never been asked that question. "Well I don't know. He always has."

Little Punchinello and some of his friends end up getting their noses painted, but they have to keep going back as green soon isn't the latest fashion, it's blue. Then yellow, orange  - you get the idea. At the end of the story they return, somewhat dejected to Eli's workshop...

"Been trying to fit in, eh?'

Punchinello nodded.

"Did you succeed?"

"Not really. Every time we got close, someone changed the rules."

"That's the way it is."

"And my neck hurt from sticking my nose in the air," Woody added.

"You weren't built to walk that way."

"We just want to be ourselves again, " Spilnt said.

"I'm glad to hear that".

"Can we?"they asked.

"Of course you can," Eli replied. "I'll always help you to be who I made you to be". Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a piece of sandpaper. "But it's going to take some time."

And so Punchinello and his friends followed their maker into this workshop where he spent the rest of hsi day removingf the paint. It hurt to be sanded, but it was worth it be normal again.

Something's Afoot...

Ever look at things that are happening around you and realize that Someone is trying to draw your attention to something that he really wants you to pay attention to? You keep seeing references to a topic in newspapers, in books friends lend you, in conversations, in chats with your children...everywhere!

Ever noticed that in Christian circles there is a huge amount of things that are 'taboo' to talk about? Things that are unspoken because of their secrecy or connection with shame - you know the ones! Ones that you would rather choke down than bring up if your pastor and his wife came for tea. That thing that if mentioned you would like the ground to swallow you. Things that are labelled too 'sacred' to be talked about (like sex) or too intimate to be discussed (like the intricacies of marriage) or too imperfect to mention (like alcoholism)?

Well, it's time to spill the beans... I'm in both those places. I sense God is at work. I can feel His Spirit nudging me and gently leading me.

Now before you read further understand something. I have .... evolved seems like a good word to use. I used to be a very "prescriptive" Christian - there was a black, a white. There was a right way and a wrong way. There was only one kind of Christian to be and that involved a early morning 'quiet time' church every day of the week. [And again a disclaimer for those of you who may have just started reading this blog. I am NOT knocking those things. For me, and my heart, God has led me somewhere different - it is never my intention for you to feel judged or condemned by what you read here, even if we disagree...] 


Now I'm more of a "descriptive" Christian. I realize that God wants me all day of every day. That I can talk to him morning, noon and night. That 'church' means any gathering of people who believe in him, anytime, anywhere. There is a path of incredible grace that challenges me every time I think there is only one way (and no I do not believe all faiths lead to heaven!) - he's made me see that the colors black and white are not mine to use when I look at things.

And so here I am.

Longing to speak the unspoken.

Longing to break the chains of silence.

Longing to be different.

The thing God is confronting me with? Being an awesome wife. Yip. Not your average, normal wife. An awesome one. One that Braveheart will be thankful for each day. One that he cannot live without. See, Braveheart and I are facing our toughest season yet. Our marriage, which seemed so impenetrable and strong, is showing signs of wear and tear. Not bad though after 10 years and 3 kids! And why this last weekend was so incredible. A touch of heaven. A reminder that this thing, this thing called marriage, is worth a fight. God is at work in our restoration project, little by little. And it begins with me.

Marriages require work. No one told me that on my wedding day! If they were a living, breathing entity I am confident that we would take better care of them. But they are silent. And undemanding. And because of that they often become uncared for. God is highlighting this to me. All the ways that I put Braveheart second - because we are an incredible parenting team, our focus has been primarily on the kids for the last 6 years. My focus needs to and should always have him in the top spot, no matter how cheesy or old fashioned that might seem. O God change me! Of course it's easy to do with the kids, but it can no longer be the excuse. I find it exhilarating that there is such hope, and if i'm truly spilling the beans? Downright scary. Because as the proverb goes, it's hard for an old dog to learn new tricks. But dear friends, we need to learn. And here's the grace part - Lord, do this work in me. Permanent change is effortless. All of him. None of me.

See. Being honest like this just makes you wonder doesn't it? :) You're sitting there wondering how I can bear my inner thoughts to you in cyberspace. There's something here that God wants this blog to be about. A blog to serve women. A blog for women to be honest and share their souls whilst deeply loving and respecting their husbands. perhaps not this one....but one to come....? And I'm not afraid to be the first (she said pausing nervously whilst typing that line!).

Here's the thing - my struggle is that these struggles that I/we have faced are not new to anyone of us. But somehow under the guise of protecting/respecting our husbands and shrouding their egos we fail to be honest with one another. We all appear perfect. Now look here, the very last thing I am suggesting is that we call together pity parties or belittle our husbands to one another. But there is something very real about community, about love, about older women teaching younger women  -  the whole Titus 2 thing - becoming ALIVE amongst us.

And the issues that are taboo to talk about? Not quite that brave yet! But I will say this - we are supposed to be tangibly different to the world. So different that when people spend time with us they walk away CHANGED. How come the world can talk about everything and anything, and yet we, the church, fail to have an alternative? What are our answers? I know God wants me to find my voice here too - and yes, I'm scared. But if I feel imprisoned by all the things that just aren't spoken about, and God is shining his light on this, then I choose to believe this isn't only about me.

It's about the countless people he loves.

Food for thought huh?

The flip side of the coin

Our good friends, the Albertyn's are back in Zimbabwe, and making a difference. (read their full story here)

They are changing the future of school children in an epic way.

Life altering.

Truly.

Each time I get an email from them it shifts my life into perspective: it helps me to see what really is important and what I think is important.

I was surprised by my reaction to one of their recent emails though, that included some photographs and information about some schools even more rural than the one in which they are working. Conditions which you and I would never consider schooling possible in.

Can you make out the writing above the door?
This is the headmaster's office.

One of the rural classrooms. This school was on a farm
the government bought back from white farmers
in the 1980's.

These kids just break my heart. The odds they
are facing....

Another classroom

One of these far out rural schools is next to a gold mine, and Mark commented that many of the girls do not complete their schooling as they are taken as wives for the mineworkers.

That simple fact has done me in. Here I sit, with an education that is probably worth hundreds of thousands of rand in today's economy, writing about how I think girls should be educated about how noble motherhood is, and how important it is. I'm not necessarily using that education to its full potential. I spend my time writing about how angry I am with Western society that it applauds academia at the expense of family....but at the same time, on the other hand, I am so saddened that these girls don't seem to have a choice, an opportunity, to 'do' something with their lives. Incongruous huh?

Where does that leave the argument? Or me? Is it the complete imbalance between the rich and poor societies? I'm trying to figure this one out.

Food for thought huh?

Purposeful Parenting

Today I had a conversation with a good friend of mine that kind of stopped me in my tracks - you know the ones. Where you're just left thinking wow, that's an interesting concept.

She was speaking about her children (13, 10 and 7), and how one of her parenting philosophies is that busy kids are kids that don't have time to get into mischief. She keeps her kids busy with sports, ballet and horse-riding - every afternoon and it usually spills over into weekends. She had just been paid a compliment by her sister-in-law (a first!) as she too has a 13 year old, who is into *everything* already. My friends 13 year old is horse mad, not boy crazy at all.

Now whilst the pace of her life leaves me gasping and wondering if there is any downtime, I started wondering if there is merit to her philosophy. For sure, bored kids in a classroom means unruly behavior, so is it the same in parenting? Just got me thinking  - is the key to well-balanced kids helping them to find a passion that they can throw themselves at that which keeps them from looking in places where there is only the illusion of fulfillemt? Food for thought huh?

And then I stumbled upon this post over at Generation Cedar, by Kelly Crawford:

I heard the parents of an 8-year-old girl defending the question of “the appropriateness” of a top pop song.  The mother answered, “Well, I mean, unless you shelter your children from all music and T.V. you can’t keep them from singing to and dancing to (said inappropriate song).”

The implication?  Parents are helpless to exercise their wisdom and authority over the things they deem inappropriate or harmful for their children.  This is a frightening implication for any parent, but especially disturbing as a Christian parent commanded to guide and direct his children “in the way he should go”.

Why would a parent feel he can’t (or shouldn’t?) protect his 8-year-old from lyrics he deems harmful (music is a powerful influence according to studies)? 

You can read further here...I'm having a revelation about how deliberate our job is as mothers. How noble it is. We...with our husbands, are called to equip our children to cope, to live WELL in this life. We are responsible for their life skills. Folks, it's up to us. Best we do it hand in hand with God because I don't know about you, but my goodness this is a much bigger job than I bargained for!

ps I loved Kelly's post on large families here!

Whose fault is it?

This quote is reverberating in my mind today....

It is sometimes said that the worst thing to happen to Africa was the arrival of the white man. And the second worst thing was his departure. Colonialism lasted just long enough to destroy much of Africa's indidgneous cultures and traditions, but not long enough to leave behind a durable replacement.

(When the Crocodile Eats the Sun, Peter Godwin, pg155)

And Braveheart reminded me that what I am feeling is probably how countless black people have felt at the hands of white people in times gone by....

food for thought....

Truly A Different Drumbeat

Sometimes along life's journey you are privileged to meet people who also walk to the beat of a different drum ... and today I want to take the opportunity to introduce you to my good friends, Mark and Laura.

You can read about their tale here, but I marvel at what they have chosen to do with their lives. They've given everything up in the UK - safety, security, to go back to the sticks (Zim slang for rural areas) and serve people. I am humbled by what they have chosen to do, especially in light of the fact that I am moving into a bigger house, whilst they have yet to find a home in which to live in the mining village. They've been offered a room in a house....picture dust and gravel, and the equivalent of a domestic quarters.

(How is that we have come to picture being blessed equals a nice place to live? Surely being blessed means something our Christian culture has missed completely...one only has to think of the beatitudes and realize how far we have fallen from the truth.)

But here's the thing - to them, it feels completely normal, and in their heart of hearts this is where they want to be. I can do birth in foreign countries, I can do financial hardship, I can do making movies, but I'm not sure I can do what they are doing.

And dear friends, that is the beauty of grace. His grace is enough for what we are all called to do. But if we are hoodwinked into thinking we all have to do what each other is doing, then we lose sight of the bigger picture, of the freedom that Christ has called us to. Let's just stop looking at each other, keep our eyes on him  and let Him do the work - let him lead us and guide us. And let us be willing - to reach out and support those who are doing something completely out of our comfort zone.

Their journey has also made me question education and teaching AGAIN! Education, in the third world, can be such a stepping stone for people out of poverty, and I think I easily forget that. These children's parents are desperate for them to have a better future than they themselves have had - they want them to have opportunities they never did. How else are these children going to receive that unless through school?

Food for thought huh?

Lens of Truth

I read this post over at Generation Cedar, and I note Kelly Crawford has actually changed the purpose of her blog now - she now writes to equip families with truth. Her blog has completely challenged me in the past, although I don't read her very often anymore, her blog has challenged and altered my world views on a number of occasions.

I've copied her post here, as it's just really thought provoking - her entire site is:

“My mom gave me $40 on my new pair of jeans, but she still thinks they’re too expensive.”

Fourteen-year-old “Amy” told my daughter.

“They cost $150 but everybody has a pair and I’ve been wanting some for so long.  I (interject squeal) loooooove them!”

My bugged eyes matched my open mouth as I listened to the conversation.
This is what we call “the real world”?  This is *not* “the real world”.  This is one we are fabricating.  A world that is being perpetuated through childhood and on into adulthood.  A world where adults are slaves to debt because they *must* have what everyone else has, no matter the cost.  A world where one’s identity is wrapped up in the name on his label.
Another overheard conversation involved the recent break-up of a young girlfriend and boyfriend.  In the prime of their youth, when life offers so many opportunities for growth and preparation, they are distracted, consumed and wounded with premature romance.
Preparing for the real world? What, a world where a boy has practiced leaving the one he “loves” when he gets tired of her?  A world where a girl is always looking for a “better relationship”?  Do those habits just give way to fidelity once the vows are made?
No.  And you can confirm that with about 60% of the population.  This is our reality.  This is the world we’ve created.
If you say “I want my children to be prepared for the real world”,  you had better define which world that is.  Because this world is not a world where the principles of God reign.  It is not a world where wisdom is exalted.  It is not a world where children are grown into responsible, productive adults who love Heaven more than earth.
I watch a family frantically shuffling their schedule to figure out when they might eat supper.  “I’ll pick up Tyler at 4, but you’ll have to take Katy to her soccer practice and I won’t make it because Tyler’s team has pictures afterwards.  Oh, and don’t forget Katy’s game is tomorrow night.  We’ll just pick up a burger.”
Is this the real world?  Every ounce of time, money and energy poured into a recreation that will most likely be a distant memory in a few years? Preparing them for the real world?  A world where the family table is only a place to hold the clutter of going and coming people?  A world where people are so busy they don’t notice how little they know about each other until it’s too late?  A world where our children learn where our hearts are because of where we spend our treasure?
Yes, I’m afraid that is exactly the world we’ve created.
Welcome to the “new real world”.


Just plain food for thought huh?

Books On My Bedside Table

As many of you know, I love reading and am passionate about books, and one day dream about having a library in my home! Ever since I was little I have been able to escape into reading, so much so that to the extent that a book grips me, I can completely switch off to the world around me, and not really even hear people's voices (I remember this driving my parents crazy when I was younger!) Now, need I say that that aspect seldom happens any more what with three children, but I do try to keep reading in between ... life! I hope to make this a regular post, and would love to know what books are on your bedside table too!

• 
  

  Expecting Adam, by Martha Beck – My neighbour lent this to me. It's a tale of a woman and her husband coming to terms with expecting a Down Syndrome child. This has got to be one of the most brilliantly crafted books I have ever read. If you love to write, or easily recognise good writing, or want to read something really well written, then this is it. I'm ¾ through, and am loving her writing style – frank, honest and full of humour - honestly, have caught myself laughing out loud numerous times. I also appreciate her growing criticism of the academic world (her and her husband are Harvard graduates) – she echoes many of my frustrations about the trap academia can present to people. I also loved her honesty about spiritual things as well. Read it – you won't be sorry! (If you know me well and live close, my neighbour has said I can lend this out – just look after it as a piece of treasure! Email me and I'll make a plan to get it to you!

  
  
  
• 
  
  When Children Love to Learn by Elaine Cooper – Charlotte Mason was one of the primary theorists of education in Britain, and her ideas have formed the basis for an entire home schooling philosophy. I had never really been a Charlotte Mason follower/believer/fan until I started this book. It's a wonderful collection of critical essays of various things she said. Did you know that Sunday Schools originally were started by the church in an attempt to help working children to gain an education? And they really were that – schools where children learnt to read and write on a Sunday.

Here are some more quotes I loved:

"People today are making a colossal pedagogical error. They are rather like an uneducated person who thinks that if one spoon of medicine will do good, then 10 are even better! Many children are being given too many hours of instruction per day – sometimes in schools, sometimes in homeschools. No one can do everything that can be worthwhile. The best of curriculum guides must be guides, not absolute directives. What you choose should be the very best and 'living'."

I could actually probably write out something from each page I have read – truly an inspiration, and a must for anyone involved in education in any way.

• 
  
  Jane's Delicious Garden by Jane Griffiths – another neighbour lent me this. I must just tell you, that if you had ever told me I would read a gardening book, I would have told you that you didn't know me at all. But that was before I actually managed to grow some flowers and vegetables in my garden! This is a beautifully written and photographed book that is quite easy to read about growing your own organic veggies in South Africa. I have found it interesting and really helpful considering I know nothing! Each page has lovely garden quotes on it:
  
  
  we come from the earth,
   we return to the earth,
   and in between we garden
   – anon
  
  
  
  
  nature, to be commanded,
   has to be obeyed 
  – Francis bacon
  
  
• 
  
  
  Time (September 6, 2010). I bought this as I was intrigued by the title and by-line: 'The real Cost of Organic Food – everyone says it is better for you. But what does science show?'
  
  
  It was a fascinating article to read, especially in light about my recent-ish post about whose research you actually choose to believe. In the article is this quote -

    “we draw these bright lines between organic and conventional foods...but science doesn't draw those lines. They criss-cross, and you have people on both sides cherry-picking their data”.

  
  
  What I found most fascinating was the following verdicts:
  • 
    
    on fruits/vegetables – buy conventional. One study (my aside, just one study? Is that enough to make this sweeping assumption?) found no nutritional difference between organic and conventional produce – and conventional even squeaked ahead in one category.
  • 
    
    on beef – organic
  • 
    
    on milk – organic because of the extra chemistry in hormones for milk
  • 
    
    on eggs – organic, because of the treatment of the birds – seals the deal!

So, great bedtime reading – feel free to pass on great books to me, or to recommend some!

"Avoiding the College Trap"?

Years ago I remember someone telling me that they didn't think it was right to send a girl to university if you wanted to teach her that motherhood was a noble calling. That irked me. Then just last year I recall someone telling me that in one of the Scandinavian countries, university education was free, HOWEVER, if you decided to be a stay at home mom, you were then required to pay back all the money to the state.

Then a few weeks ago I came across this article, really I am left with more questions than answers now.

There was a time when having a college degree almost guaranteed you a “good job,” certainly one that pays better than those not requiring a bachelor’s degree. Parents then determined that the costs involved added up to an investment in their child’s future—an investment that would undoubtedly pay off. The general public soon grew so assured of the value of a degree that it grew acceptable and common to borrow toward that investment. Today, student loans are the rule.

This entire process assumes several things, all of which might have held true at one time or in limited circumstances, hardly any of which remain true today or in general. Yet a blind faith that includes all of these assumptions rules the day for decisions about higher education. The results are disastrous.

Joel McDurmon gives this example:

Example: meet Miss Courtney Munna. She is 26 years old and has proudly fulfilled her and her mother’s dream of graduating from NYU, a second-tier private school. She is now the proud owner of an interdisciplinary bachelor’s degree in religious and women’s studies. She also owns a $97,000 student debt.

Let’s evaluate the value of Miss Munna’s education: In the job market, a bachelor’s in either religion (from a liberal university) or women’s studies adds little to nothing to her marketability in the real world. An “interdisciplinary” degree—half one and half the other mixed together—actually reduces the value. A degree like this only has value in the academic world, and there it only holds value as a stepping stone to an academic teaching career. But this requires a Master’s degree (at least two more years and more debt) and almost always a Doctorate (three further years in the US, and more debt). For all practical purposes, Miss Munna’s degree has zero economic value.

But worse, $97k in debt has a value of, well, negative $97k; plus interest, part of which is at an adjustable rate (it will go higher). And this, not even for a marketable skill or knowledge, but merely a degree in religious and women’s studies. And what does such a degree provide?… Nothing more than a group of feminists’ assurances that all religions are equal and women should be in charge of all of them.

So Courtney has essentially paid over $100,000 in order to be propagandized with a message she could just as easily have gotten from a $1.25 bumper sticker.

Courtney’s mom helped finance this “education.” She herself now faces a tough time financially. She’s afraid she could lose her bed and breakfast business. And herein is the great joke. This woman owns a business. She should know something about finances. What on earth made her think a dead-end degree like women’s studies was worth selling her and her daughter’s soul? She should have known better.

She should have kept her daughter at home, trained her in the family business, marketed it, taught her how to keep it profitable, and lived a moderate middle-class life.

If after that she had a desire to learn “women’s studies,” she could easily have sated such a perversion without debt. She could have Googled “women’s studies reading list” and then selected one of several links from a major university, like this link: twenty-two pages of women-as-victim and women-as-equals screeds. Forget NYU, forget $97k. The New York Public Library is free. Free public libraries are all over the place. Even major universities will give full access and lending privileges for a small fee (for example, I just bought such at Emory University for $100/year—well worth it for projects I’m currently working on). For hardly any cost at all, Courtney could spend her free time indulging in all the feminism and gender diversity she could stand—and make money instead of borrowing it.

 And another excerpt....

 A college degree is certainly no guarantee of this ability, and in many respects is a great hindrance to it. It certainly won’t guarantee a job or even marketability.

So many young people fall for the illusion that a college degree has value. It’s an enormous deception, and parents will do well to insulate themselves and their children from it. This takes discipline and commitment to values, because the deception weighs powerfully on the ego and sense of destiny. It inflates hopes that may not materialize, and it caresses fond hopes of glory that lay in seed form in every depraved heart.

I would heartily encourage you to read the full article here . Really good food for thought.