Regal Royalty

Yip, I'm one of them. One of the nearly 2 billion people who watched the royal wedding (does than number include Internet watchers I wonder?). And I unashamedly loved it. LOVED Kate's little giggle after the balcony kiss. Loved that a commoner has married into the family. Loved that the world loves her. Loved that her parents have brought up two amazing level headed daughters.

I loved that 2 billion people all across the world were inspired by it - sure some folks were just watching it because everyone else was, but really - that number of people across the world are searching.

Desiring.

Hoping for something more in life.

That wedding, in all its forms, catches at our hearts, pulls at our dreams and calls us out.

It smacks of God.

And our cynical world laps it up.

Because he created us to love and be loved.

And funnily I'd just picked up "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge and "Do you think I'm beautiful?" by Angela Thomas, because I'm again, trying to figure out what it means to be a woman, and trying to understand...

And I'm reminded.

The question every boy grows up to ask as a man is "Have I got what it takes?" That's why men crave our respect, our belief.

And the question every little girl asks whilst growing up, and the one she continues to ask even as an adult is "Do you think I'm lovely?".

Not every woman wants a battle to fight, but every woman yearns to be fought for...She wants to be more than noticed - she wants to be wanted. She wants to be pursued.
Every woman also wants an adventure to share...A woman doesn't want to be the adventure; she wants to be caught up into something greater than herself....
Every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil. Not to conjure up, but to unveil. Most woman feel the pressure to be beautiful from very young, but that is not what I speak of. There is also a deep desire to simply and truly be the beauty, and be delighted in.

Food for thought huh?

The Answer is Blowing in the Wind....

I love that song. It's so eerie and sweet and innocent.

In a recent marriage course we have been hosting, God brought me to a standstill.

It came about as the women in the group couldn't understand how the men in the group wouldn't read any books on marriage, or parenting, or personalities etc. And for the women, this seemed the most natural response to 'problems' :- find out from someone who has walked the road before, learn from their mistakes, learn what works and then do it ourselves.

This flummoxed the men. Their response went something along the lines of :- Why learn from someone else? They're not me, they're not like me, they don't know my circumstances. And their overriding response was "I can do this (with God) alone".

Fascinating. All the women I know read endless books on parenting, on marriage, on relationships - self-help books or teaching books, however you want to label them. Men? Largely just not interested. Willing to go it on their own and to learn, in my eyes, the hard way. Fascinating! (The more I learn about how different God created us the more so many things make sense!)

The part that turned me into a statue though, was when one of the men asked me how many books on parenting I'd read. My answer? Many. Then he asked me what kind of parent I was. Naturally I said a perfect one (ahem this was said with much jest!)...

Then WHAM! It struck me. I have been searching for answers for years. I borrow/buy endless parenting books looking for solutions, looking for answers, but friends, although I may find them I quickly forget them. I have been unable to see that THE ANSWER is right in front of me, in Christ. If I seek him, and him alone, I am convinced I shall find what I am looking for. After all, sin't he the one that gave me these 3 particular children to bring up?

A friend sent me this later, and again, just fascinating....

Men don’t change easily.  Men don’t like to change; and because men are actually programmed not to change, but to solidify their opinions and their identities, it often leads to men killing others in one form or another.  In fact, men are rewarded, admired, and elected for not changing! Unfortunately, this feels like most of human history.  Stalin said, “One death is a tragedy.  But when 150,000 people die, it’s a ‘statistic.’”  Too often, we men are able to live in this detached world of statistics instead of inside of our own sacred humanity.  No wonder Jesus’ first preached word was “change” !

In the wars of the 20th century, most countries involved claimed to be Christian—filled with people who claimed to base their lives on Jesus and his teachings.  This is what happens when religion does not really change people, but is just the group to which you happen to belong.

http://cacradicalgrace.org/

Food for thought huh?

Perspective

A friend sent me this lovely story this week and although it's a little cliche, God used it to re-illustrated something he'd been showing me:

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

'That laundry is not very clean,' she said. 'She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.'

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: 'Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this.'

Her husband said, 'I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.'

And so it is with life.

It's so true.

 "What we see when watching others depends on the window through which we look."

God has been reminding me that so much of the way I speak or act is framed by my own experience, my own way of filtering the world. Friends, the way you and I think, the way we feel, the way in which we hear things or interpret things is based on so many things, that the only real answer is to give one another grace...

It's true of marriage too. The way your spouse hears what you say may have nothing to do with what you actually said - but if his filter is one of condemnation, then that is what he will hear. If hers is one of low self esteem, everything will seem like a criticism. It may explain why someone you know always shies away from you. It may explain sudden outbursts of anger with an in-law.

It's true even of sex. I love the illustration given in Sheet Music (I reviewed it a while ago). Dr. Kevin Leman says the marriage bed is the most crowded one of all. Because it's not just you and your spouse, but your parents and your spouse's parents - and those 6 individuals all see sex differently, all see marriage differently, and all have their own set of spoken and unspoken rules.

So how then do we live?

Surely only in Christ - with his eyes for one another, with the Spirit being our lens.

Surely?

Something's Afoot...

Ever look at things that are happening around you and realize that Someone is trying to draw your attention to something that he really wants you to pay attention to? You keep seeing references to a topic in newspapers, in books friends lend you, in conversations, in chats with your children...everywhere!

Ever noticed that in Christian circles there is a huge amount of things that are 'taboo' to talk about? Things that are unspoken because of their secrecy or connection with shame - you know the ones! Ones that you would rather choke down than bring up if your pastor and his wife came for tea. That thing that if mentioned you would like the ground to swallow you. Things that are labelled too 'sacred' to be talked about (like sex) or too intimate to be discussed (like the intricacies of marriage) or too imperfect to mention (like alcoholism)?

Well, it's time to spill the beans... I'm in both those places. I sense God is at work. I can feel His Spirit nudging me and gently leading me.

Now before you read further understand something. I have .... evolved seems like a good word to use. I used to be a very "prescriptive" Christian - there was a black, a white. There was a right way and a wrong way. There was only one kind of Christian to be and that involved a early morning 'quiet time' church every day of the week. [And again a disclaimer for those of you who may have just started reading this blog. I am NOT knocking those things. For me, and my heart, God has led me somewhere different - it is never my intention for you to feel judged or condemned by what you read here, even if we disagree...] 


Now I'm more of a "descriptive" Christian. I realize that God wants me all day of every day. That I can talk to him morning, noon and night. That 'church' means any gathering of people who believe in him, anytime, anywhere. There is a path of incredible grace that challenges me every time I think there is only one way (and no I do not believe all faiths lead to heaven!) - he's made me see that the colors black and white are not mine to use when I look at things.

And so here I am.

Longing to speak the unspoken.

Longing to break the chains of silence.

Longing to be different.

The thing God is confronting me with? Being an awesome wife. Yip. Not your average, normal wife. An awesome one. One that Braveheart will be thankful for each day. One that he cannot live without. See, Braveheart and I are facing our toughest season yet. Our marriage, which seemed so impenetrable and strong, is showing signs of wear and tear. Not bad though after 10 years and 3 kids! And why this last weekend was so incredible. A touch of heaven. A reminder that this thing, this thing called marriage, is worth a fight. God is at work in our restoration project, little by little. And it begins with me.

Marriages require work. No one told me that on my wedding day! If they were a living, breathing entity I am confident that we would take better care of them. But they are silent. And undemanding. And because of that they often become uncared for. God is highlighting this to me. All the ways that I put Braveheart second - because we are an incredible parenting team, our focus has been primarily on the kids for the last 6 years. My focus needs to and should always have him in the top spot, no matter how cheesy or old fashioned that might seem. O God change me! Of course it's easy to do with the kids, but it can no longer be the excuse. I find it exhilarating that there is such hope, and if i'm truly spilling the beans? Downright scary. Because as the proverb goes, it's hard for an old dog to learn new tricks. But dear friends, we need to learn. And here's the grace part - Lord, do this work in me. Permanent change is effortless. All of him. None of me.

See. Being honest like this just makes you wonder doesn't it? :) You're sitting there wondering how I can bear my inner thoughts to you in cyberspace. There's something here that God wants this blog to be about. A blog to serve women. A blog for women to be honest and share their souls whilst deeply loving and respecting their husbands. perhaps not this one....but one to come....? And I'm not afraid to be the first (she said pausing nervously whilst typing that line!).

Here's the thing - my struggle is that these struggles that I/we have faced are not new to anyone of us. But somehow under the guise of protecting/respecting our husbands and shrouding their egos we fail to be honest with one another. We all appear perfect. Now look here, the very last thing I am suggesting is that we call together pity parties or belittle our husbands to one another. But there is something very real about community, about love, about older women teaching younger women  -  the whole Titus 2 thing - becoming ALIVE amongst us.

And the issues that are taboo to talk about? Not quite that brave yet! But I will say this - we are supposed to be tangibly different to the world. So different that when people spend time with us they walk away CHANGED. How come the world can talk about everything and anything, and yet we, the church, fail to have an alternative? What are our answers? I know God wants me to find my voice here too - and yes, I'm scared. But if I feel imprisoned by all the things that just aren't spoken about, and God is shining his light on this, then I choose to believe this isn't only about me.

It's about the countless people he loves.

Food for thought huh?

Marriage Matters

Funny how as parents we can spend endless hours seeking the best advice on how to bring up our children....and forget that our marriages need as much tender loving care as our children do. Funny how we expect our marriages to look after themselves when they really are living, breathing entities that need to also be fed and nurtured. Funny how we can prioritize giving the kids time, or spending time together as a family, and forget that we, as husband and wife, also need time to grow together. Funny how when we first met we spent time doing what each other liked, and now, with time being spread so thin with family responsibilities, it's easy to settle into a selfish routine of doing only what you like.

Except I'm not really laughing. Our marriages...my marriage, is the foundation on which family life is built. I forget this far too often, and am feeling very challenged over the last few days.

Marriage matters - more than I think we realize...