Book on my Bedside Table

Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts" (she's the author of the blog entitled 'A Holy Experience'), is the book on my bedside table at the moment that is arresting me, chapter by chapter. Here's an excerpt from Chapter Two that I can just so relate to. May it pierce you as it did me.....

For years of mornings, I have woken wanting to die. Life itself twists into nightmares. For years, I have pulled the covers up over my head, dreading to begin another day I'd be bound to just wreck. Years, I lie listening to the taunt of names ringing off my interior walls, ones form the past that never drifted far and away: Loser. Mess. Failure. They are the signs nailed overhead, nailed through me, naming me. The stars blinking are blinking out.
    Funny, this. Yesterday morning, and the morning before, all these mornings, I wake to the discontent of life in my own skin. I wake to self-hatred. To the wrestle to get it all done, the relentless anxiety that I am failing. Always the failing. I yell at children, fester with bitterness, forget doctor appointments, lose library books, live selfishly, skip prayer, complain, go to bed too late, neglect cleaning the toilets. I live tired. Afraid. Anxious. Weary. Years, I feel it in the veins, the pulsing of ruptured hopes. Would I ever be enough, find enough, do enough? But this morning, I wake wildly wanting to live. Physically feeling it in the veins trembling, the hard part of the lungs, the seing it in the steady starts, how much I really want to live. How I don't want to die. Is that the message of the nightmares and dreams? To live fully alive ...or in empty nothingness?
It's the in between that drives us mad. (emphasis mine)
It's the life in between, the days of walking lifeless, the years calloused and simply going through the hollow motions, the self-protecting by self-distracting, the body never waking, that's lost capacity to fully feel - this si the life in between that makes is the wild walking dead.
The sun climbs the horizon, I throw back the covers, take another breath, and begin. I get to live. I get to live....

Which road through this brief land? What is all most important? How to live the fullest life here that delivers into the full life ever after?...

.How does one live ready, and always? Yes, ultimately Jesus. Yes, this premature dying to self, birthing into the cross-life, the grace cocoon, before emerging into the life unending. Without this Jesus, no, no one can be ready. ... 

But, someone, please give me - who is born again but still so much in need of being born anew - give me the details of how to live in the waiting cocoon before the forever begins? ...

In my reality-dream (dream-reality?), I gasp for more time, frantic for more time. But I have to wonder:more time for more what? The answer  to that determines the road these so-short days take. ....

 Food for thought huh?