Thursday

Let me try this again. (I've deleted this post a number of times!)

I made a shocking batch of fudge today. Seriously. It wouldn't set, so I put it back into the microwave and cooked it AGAIN. And still....NOTHING! Oh no. It is gooey. And un-presentable.

And coconut ice.Which honestly resembles breadcrumbs. O the horror!

All for a cake sale I don't really want to be at tomorrow. Under duress I agree to help. No really. Usually. Most times. But just not this one.

And on top of it, I am losing the dinner time battle. In an epic way. 

In such a way, that tonight, I fed my kids 2 minute noodles and even then, Jonathan almost went to bed without dinner.

Now before you call child welfare, let me explain. I am so weary of having my dinner time efforts complained about, and looked at disdainfully, that I have drawn a line. A line I'm not really sure I know how to cross. The line says,"I am quite honestly fed up of making an effort every night to make something healthy and nutritions that will feed your bodies and your souls, that will create fond dinner time memories...when no matter what I put in front of you causes you to complain, and wrinkle your nose in disgust. I am done. I will no longer make an effort. So be it".

See, here's the thing. Food easily bores me. I like to cook ... or liked to, pre kids, when I had all the time in the world. Time is of the essence, so now it's a matter of what is quick and easy to get on the table. But I am harangued by theses ...these....little voices inside my head that say things like

 "You can't possibly be feeding them carbohydrates and starch together"

or something like

 "where's the raw food in this meal?"

 or

 "how is this building their bodies?". 

So I have that... and the pressure of also knowing that whilst I feed them, I also have to feed Braveheart, who a few months ago saw a personal trainer who told him he had to eat more as he was too thin, and thus I am supposed to (according to this guys research) feed Braveheart 225gms of animal protein at dinner (and again at lunch). Golly.

So.. after nothing short of  a week of tears at dinner because I had made a fish marinated with a honey glaze, or chicken in a sauce, or macaroni and mince (instead of spaghetti - the tears that flowed because of that!) and being constantly disheartened by my children's comments I have stepped back. In all fairness, King Arthur will eat whatever is put in front of him without verbalizing a complaint...but the puppy dog eyes....and I sit right across from him!

Now I know that this attitude cannot last. I know I am their mother and provider etc. But seriously. Do they need a lesson in gratefulness? Do I need to teach them that just down the road most kids only have one meal a day? Do I need to just find some really simple kid loving recipes? Am I trying to hard by trying to make something I enjoy for dinner?

And if any of you have boys out there....what do you feed them all day? And I mean seriously. I want detail people. My boys appear to be hungry ALL the time.And it pains me that they want to eat store bought bread by the slice. And this is after I have told them to eat about two to three pieces of fruit! Do i just need to get over this or what?